Coronavirus diary of a moaner Week 13

Here we go for another fun packed week of semi lockdown. Is there light at the end of the tunnel? Premiership is back, albeit with no fans, will the pubs be opening? Will we be able to go on holiday? Perhaps we will find out more this week.

Friday 19th June - Saints away to Norwich at 6pm looks to be the highlight of the day, plus the latest beer delivery. My 2 new outside lights for the garage turned up yesterday but I couldn't fit them as it rained all day, it looks like it may rain all morning today so this may have to wait. Water and electricity do not mix, especially with my DIY skills.

You may recall a couple of weeks ago that Anna had done a major order of £30+ just to get free delivery from Boots when she only really needed one lip balm. She ended up with 3 lip balms and numerous shower gels, shampoo and shaving gel. She came downstairs sheepishly just now to confess that she had found a ‘spare’ lip balm in her stash upstairs that she didn't know she had! Given that she only uses about 1 a year she now has enough for the next 4 years and a complete set of toiletries that will probably last us well into next year!

Grunters has been back to work since Wednesday, she normally stays at work for lunch but because it was ‘Ploughmans Friday’ together with Pork pies and sausage rolls she obviously decided to come home for lunch. At 1pm we thought there had been an earthquake but in hindsight it was just Grunters running out to her car in town, there was then a car ‘skidding’ sound going round the roundabout at the front of the house, it was someone in a green mini. I did ask whether she had jumped out of her car window like Daisy Duke in the Dukes of Hazard but in hindsight it would be a lot quicker for her just to open her mini door! Luckily I gave her a large dinner plate so it was easier to pile on her ‘snack’ lunch.

Talking about piling things on, I had forgot to fully report on my trip to Lidl yesterday. As I had already said it was raining and when I went to get a trolley they only had small or medium sized, no large like I usually have for the week’s shop. By the time I had got round every aisle with careful packing and balancing I had managed just about to get nearly everything in, apart from snacks which I had to forego due to lack of space. On the final aisle I needed to get some Perlenbacher’s, now I usually buy 12 or 16 but had to restrict myself to 8. I managed to carefully move numerous items and balance them carefully on the top of everything else to get the beers in. It was reminiscent of the skill and dexterity Grunters shows when filling her plate at a buffet table. Having successfully negotiated the trolley to the tills I then filled 4 bags for life, with another full one hanging off the back, I gingerly made my way across the car park with one hand pushing the trolley and the other holding everything else in. However this manoeuvre was not quite fully successful as a packet of chicken thighs went skidding across the car park with a car having to wait whilst I retrieved said item! 

Had email notification from a Virgin Atlantic that they are finally going to refund our cancelled flight money, 8 days ago I had been notified that I will receive this email and that I would be paid within 14 days of the original notification last week. Then later in the day another email to say that due to ‘administration issues’ it now will be up to another 14 days before it is received!!

Very satisfying 3-0 away win for Saints at Norwich, after a shaky first 10 minutes we took control and the result never looked in doubt. Bring on Arsenal on Thursday!

Sat 20th June - another trip to Owermoigne and completed the painting of the walls right round under the veranda, next up the underside of the veranda and the uprights. Hopefully we will be allowed to go and stay down for a few days shortly to get all of my jobs done before we reopen.

We had put our bins in Owermoigne right up the end of our drive by our shed as nobody is there and we are not having them collected again until we reopen. Someone still had to cheek to walk up our drive to deposit 2 large black bags of rubbish into our bin. We had to open the bags as they contained mixed glass, tins etc so we had to separate out these into to the recycling bin as the bin men won't take mixed bags. We then brought home the rubbish to put into our home bin as it would still be 3 weeks or so until the ones down there are emptied. Needless to say the bins are now in the back garden inside the fence!

Back home to football on TV and a few beers followed by the usual Saturday wood fired pizza night, then later a snore on the sofa!

Sun 21st June - Father's Day, lets see what this brings! 

A very acceptable Full English cooked by Josh and a present of a selection of Unity and Lost and Grounded beers got the day off to a good start. Looks like being plenty of football on today starting with Cardiff v Leeds. 

Watched yet more football throughout the day and had a few beers in the Shed in the afternoon with Josh while Sophie went off to see her mum and dad on Fathers Day. Raf had told Josh that they would be round and what time should he get here. Josh told him 2-3pm, true to form around 5pm Josh text him to find out where he was, to which he got the reply ‘be there in a minute’. An hour and a half later at 6.30pm they finally turned up. Albeit they were late as usual it was good to see the 2 granddaughters as we had not seen them hardly at all over the last 3 months.

Josh had cooked a lovely meal of slow cooked Lamb gyros, with Greek Salad and tzatziki, washed down with a couple of bottles of Retsina which I purchased from Lidl on one of my recent shopping trips, when they had ‘Greek week’.

We were just going to bed when I noticed that there was a card poking through our letterbox, it was addressed to ‘Anna & Steve’, I wandered into the lounge with it and was just about to open it when Anna said ‘it's for tomorrow’, blankly I looked at her then realisation hit me, it's our wedding anniversary which I had totally forgotten, again!! Oh well, it's 29 years, not a big one! I’d better put a reminder on my phone for next year.

Mon 22nd June - 29th wedding anniversary, got away with it as Anna hadn't bought me a card either. In my defence the only place I go shopping in lockdown is Lidl every other week, and they don't sell cards! I would have taken her out for a nice meal but can't as nowhere open. Never mind, always next year!

Decided to replace the other light on the front of the garage. It actually went better than I thought as the old plastic connection box had fallen apart and I had found another in garage which, although not the same, I thought may work. After wiring up the big turn on proved successful, it worked, even I was surprised!

Tues 23rd June -  Josh has spent the last couple of weeks sorting out the mess of his bedroom, it was a massive task I can tell you! He has done a good job though and we spent some of the morning repairing his drawers that were previously falling apart due to old age and over filling!

Helped Josh make some giant meatballs stuffed with mozzarella and cheddar balls to be stuck in the fridge ready for dinner later.

Boris announced the lifting of some restrictions so from 4th July we will be able to reopen for bookings at Owermoigne. I still have a few jobs I want to do down there but still not sure as yet whether we are going to be allowed to stay down there for a few days before we open, otherwise it's just back to Saturday day trips. No change in the 6 people being able to meet outside in the garden, however you will be able to sit either inside or outside a pub with an unlimited number of strangers provided you keep 1m apart! Seems a bit strange but I suppose the thought behind it is that if you had a large number of people in your own garden you wouldn't keep them from going in and out if your house. Anyway it's good to have some sort of relaxation of the lockdown after all of these weeks.

The giant meatballs turned out very well, really tasty in a tomato and chilli sauce with rice, we will try them again!

Caught mad Grunters out in the garden again sat on the decking taking pictures of a can of beer and a full glass, at least I suppose the can wasn't positioned into a bush this time!

Wed 24th June - after a bit of persuasion I decided to clean the downstairs Venetian blinds again. I had done them early in lockdown when Anna ‘forgot’ to tell me that she had a special blind cleaning implement. The front was done before lunch and the kitchen windows at the back in the early afternoon. I decided to join Josh with a seat out in the garden, then a few minutes later Matti showed up. We proceeded to have a socially distanced short drink and over 4 hours later he was still there! Becca had come to pick him up and Grunters had returned back from work. If made a good change to chat to somebody else for a few hours, even if it was only Matti!!

Following a nice turkey bolognese pasta bake we proceeded to watch football, Liverpool v Palace, not very exciting but there again most of the matches haven't been.

We are trying to decide whether to stay down in Dorset for a couple of days this weekend to finish off a few jobs before we reopen. It is difficult to establish whether it is allowed as we are not allowed to stay for holiday or recreational purposes however the holiday cottage company have found a rule whereby you are allowed to stay over if necessary for work purposes. As we only intend to work and not use it as a holiday we will probably stay over. The government did not help in this respect as they only gave 10 days notice for us to open, when they had previously promised the leisure sector that they would give 3 weeks notice of proposed changes.

Thurs 25th June - wow it's hot,hot,hot! I decided we needed a Booker cash and carry run to get stuff ready for re-opening in Owermoigne next week. Josh came with me and we bought plenty of cleaning stuff which should keep us going for a while, including anti-viral surface sprays and plenty of bleach. Also got bacon, sausages and chicken thighs to be portioned up for ourselves, together with a nice big piece of brisket which Josh will cure to make Salt Beef sandwiches. On the way back we popped into Lidl to restock on Perlenbacher so also got some Bockwurst and rolls for our traditional Thursday hot dog lunch! 

After lunch I decided it was time to cut the grass, it needed doing before it starts to rain over the next few days. Big mistake, I was absolutely boiling and dripping with sweat. I drank a couple of pints of water followed by a lager, then had to have my second shower of the day as I was so sweaty. 

Boris is at it again, sticking by Robert Jenrick who was obviously doing one of his Tory party donating chums, Richard Desmond, a favour by sanctioning his housing development the day before he would have been hit with a further £40m+ tax bill. It is obvious to the man in the street what is going on but it's just another example of the Tory party treating the electorate with contempt, one rule for us and another for the privileged few!

Tonight at 6pm is Saints v Arsenal, I think I will close this blog early today and write about the match tomorrow as I will be in no fit state to update it later after a few beers.

It's been a hot a sunny week again with a bit if a relaxation of the lockdown rules to come into force on 4th July. Let's see what next week brings!

Coronavirus diary of a moaner Week 12

Week 12, doesn't time fly when you are enjoying yourself! 3 months in and still going.

Fri 12th June - bit of a clean again of the Shed ceiling where the water previously got in before our repairs. The Beer Santa, Dan this week, turned up around 1.30pm with this weeks’ delivery, straight into the fridge to cool for later.

 Michael Gove has confirmed that they will not extend the Brexit transition period beyond the end of this year, I think that given the economic effect of Covid they are stupid not to extend. We need that extra time to make sure that we are in a position to go ahead without risking even more disaster on the economy, especially as the EU are prepared to grant such an extension. The government seem hell bent on leading us headlong into a potentially disastrous economic situation with a ‘no deal’ Brexit which will please their billionaire backers.

On a lighter note, did any of you regularly frequent seaside amusement arcades when you were younger? If so, I am sure that you would have practiced on the ‘grabber’ where you positioned the grabbing hand to pick up a cuddly toy of some description and deposit it down a chute. Now I am convinced that Grunters must have spent much of her youth practicing on this particular piece of equipment. Why would I say this do you ask? Now as soon as a bowl of cheese savoury snacks are produced, Grunters leaps quickly into ‘grab’ mode! She gets her hand into the ‘grab action,’ and proceeds to scoop up as many cheese savouries as possible then proceeds to dump them into a pile in front of her to consume as rapidly as possible! Now this is not just a once off, no if she thinks that the bowl is getting slightly lower due to the other ‘greedy bastards’ taking more than their share, the grab hand is employed to quickly scoop up any remaining snacks. It is a technique to behold, it is nearly worth the cost of a bag of cheese savouries to observe this quality action!

Sat 13th June - back to Owermoigne again, I cut all of the grass while Anna did the vitally important task of cleaning the microwave, something that is extremely taxing and took her as much time as my grass cutting!! Then as I was suffering with my bad back she ‘suggested’ that we paint another large part of the outside wall! Did I complain? No, I willingly suffered my agony to continue with her orders! 

Got home to a few beers and a cracking home made burger from Josh and with Grunters home made burger buns. Pity that Grunters has to go back to work on Wednesday as I will have to be ‘sous chef’ again! While we were having our pre dinner beers imagine Grunters delight when Josh brought out yet another packet of her favourite cheese savouries! Obviously the ‘grabber’ action was employed with great haste to scoop the majority of the snacks before us ‘greedy bastards’ had chance to have too many! A slightly different method was employed on the salt and vinegar ‘sticks’ but she still managed to enjoy a good share between the cheese savoury grabs.

Sun 14th June - under orders from Mein Fuhrer I made a cake today. Instead of my normal Lemon Drizzle it is a St Clements Drizzle (no not Jizzle Nath!), half orange and half lemon, we will have to see what it turns out like.

I had a bit of a realisation in the shed today, after listening to David Bowie Heroes, I  thought that this must be in my top 10. Then I suddenly realised that I started writing out my top 10 albums in the last page of the book I give to our accountants for our self assessment return. I had intended to rip out the page but unfortunately I posted the whole book through the accounts’ letterbox yesterday. Never mind, perhaps the accountant might like to add her choice to the top ten albums, I had listed far more than my top 10, as I was going to later filter down to my favourites!

We did manage to last until the weekend 2pm for beer’o’clock.

We had Ham Hock and spinach Rotolo for dinner paired with Grunters home made Garlic and rosemary focaccia, it was a revelation, definitely one of the best lockdown meals, the Rotolo was really tasty and the focaccia  as very light and tasty, probably the best bread Grunters has made during the lockdown. (Just in case, like me before I had it, you don't know what Rotolo is, it's a rolled form of filled pasta sheets, I can highly recommend it).

Had a slice of the St Clements cake with a coffee this evening, it was very light but I would make it with a bit more lemon & orange zest next time.

Mon 15th June - further orders meant I had to cut down all of the foliage around the side of the house next to the small shed which was becoming overgrown. I need to replace the roof felt on the shed but can't do this without clearing around it first. I managed to get the majority done before the petrol hedge trimmer stated to smoke, I quickly turned it off and placed it onto the middle of the lawn in case it caught fire!! I then cut the grass both at the back and front of the house.

I had an email from the accountant confirming receipt of my book and saying that she will be in touch. I wonder if this will be for the accounts or perhaps to add her thoughts to the top 10 albums?

Today's dinner of vegan cauliflower tacos went down very well, I would have them again! Mind you the vegan bit turned into vegetarian after we stuck cheese on top!

Tues 16th June - I cleared the rest of the ivy and brambles off the top of the shed roof, I ended up scratched to pieces all up my arms and legs. Perhaps wearing shorts and t-shirt to do it wasn't the best idea. I was fearing for the shed roof as I was standing on the very top rung of my step ladder and lying right over to the other side of the roof. I will just have to enlist Josh’s help shortly to re-felt. 

Excitement, my Thornbridge prize turned up, at first I thought it may be lacking beer as the box didn't seem very heavy. Upon opening I found a decent Thornbridge bobble hat, a size L Thornbridge T-shirt, some Thornbridge recipe cards and, thankfully, 12 cans of Jaipur! Big result! Unfortunately the size L T-shirt didn't fit me, obviously a tad too big, so Josh was highly delighted that it was his size!

What ego trip is Boris on now! He thinks he is Donald Trump swanning around in Airforce One. Apparently he is having a previously plain RAF grey Voyager plane painted red white and blue at the rear of the fuselage and up the fin. He doesn’t like it grey and has also complained about its unavailability as it's also used by the Royal Family. Be like us Boris, use Ryanair or Easyjet, then wait for your money back when they cancel your flight!!! Surely Boris, even you should be able to see that at this time that this money would be better spent elsewhere!

Another U-turn for Boris and chums, this time after Marcus Rashford’s campaign over extending meal vouchers over summer. This has been going on for the past few days but Boris claims to have only heard about it earlier today!! He just can't stop lying! 

Wed 17th June - Grunters has returned to work, bit of a pity as it will mean that I have to help Josh more with the cooking! But also cause for celebration today with the return of the Premiership this evening, thank goodness for that, plenty of football on TV over the next couple of months. 

Matt Hancock demonstrates how he is as out of touch as Boris, this time calling Marcus Rashford, Daniel! 

I did a couple of small jobs, I made frames with bamboo sticks and string for Anna’s tomato plants. Also everyone has been moaning at me for ages as the 2 security lights on either side of the garage have packed up. I had bought these from Screwfix and had already previously replaced one that had packed up. I decided that these weren't very good and have now ordered 2 from Amazon which have good reviews in comparison to Screwfix and B&Q lights. They should be here tomorrow so another job to do. Whist doing this I was reminded that the security light next to the back door had also been playing up for some time, it would occasionally work but Josh said it hadn't gone on for the past month or so. I therefore decided to change the bulb and it would seem that, at first testing, it seems to work.

Bit disappointed that Grunters refused to let us hose her down or spray her with anti-bac on her return back from work, before she comes indoors, after all you can't be too careful!

My first day as sous chef started with the usual raised voices when I put the cheese into the pan instead of a bowl by the side and a couple of other misdemeanour. Bring back Grunters!

Now found out today that it will cost £900,000 to repaint Boris’ plane, what planet is he on? It's a disgrace using taxpayers money at a time like this to appease his own vanity!

Watched the football, its a bit weird watching with no crowd and ‘background noise’ fans. Controversy straight away with a goal for Sheffield Utd ruled out despite being clearly over the line as Hawk-Eye didn't work. I still think that this should have been overridden by the VAR official as it was so blatantly clear, despite the fact that they are saying that the law states that VAR can't be used to change Hawk-Eye decisions. What is the point of VAR if it can't be used to override obviously wrong decisions! Also in the Man City v Arsenal match David Luiz came on as a sub due to injury and gave City their first 2 goals before getting sent off, what a total liability.

Thurs 18th June - I was just sorting out the shopping list with Josh when ‘breaking news’ said that Dame Vera Lynn has died aged 103! I feel a bit guilty now about my comments a few weeks ago on 75th Anniversary of VE Day (although I do think my comment about cryogenically freezing her and wheeling her out for the next war anniversary is still worth serious consideration). The BBC had obviously prepared their tribute well in advance of her death as within 2 minutes of announcing her death they had broadcast a full tribute with film clips and pictures. Yes she was a good old dear but the BBC went into overdrive, and getting on for half an hour later they were still going on. 

My turn for shopping again so off I went to Lidl. I think they've given up on social distancing, as although it was raining, the car park was more full than I have seen it since lockdown. However there was no queue to get in and it was fairly busy inside with the majority of the shoppers in couples. I have made it a tradition throughout lockdown that every time I go to Lidl I buy Bockwurst’s and rolls for a tasty lunchtime treat, pity Grunters missed out now that she is at work.

My second day as sous chef went a bit better than the first, a good chicken curry and Dahl, with no raised voices!

Another week done, Saints play tomorrow and Tuesday so something to look forward to this week.

Coronavirus diary of a moaner Week 11

Week 11, last week took a turn away from the political, at this stage I have no idea what this week will bring. Ever in hope that it's a good one!

Fri 5th June - Good news, the spot on my bum has subsided, I can still feel it is there but the Witch Doctor has done the trick.

I was told by Mein Fuhrer, following last week's Sunday Brunch, that I had to make their Lemon Drizzle Victoria Sponge instead of my mainstay normal Lemon Drizzle. It didn't rise like my normal one however we thought that it looked a bit flat when it came out of the oven on the show. Just have to see how it tastes. When I went to do the icing I found that I didn't have enough icing sugar left for the recipe so made about two thirds of what it said. Only when I put icing sugar on the shopping list and mentioned it to Anna did she come up with the revelation that we had a new box! I had looked in the cupboard where the flour and sugar is located but nothing was there. No, she had decided to put it on the shelf below and had still expected that I should have found it! Female logic! Josh sent a picture of my cake to Matti and Nath, Matti asked whether I had dropped it and Nath was suspicious of the icing on the top, asking whether it was. Lemon ‘Jizzle’ cake! Perhaps Josh ought to get some new friends! 

Josh’s week for the beer, with some Double Crosser and Lockdown, delivered quite early today at around 2pm. 

Weather has definitely cooled and it's quite windy, looks like beer night in the Shed today.

A few beers later and a chilli with Sophie’s Jalapeño scones, we then tried out a slice of the cake, not bad, very lemony!

Sat 6th June - went back down to Owermoigne, I painted the outside wall of the kitchen, I put one coat on 3 years ago the day before we opened and had been meaning to do another since! Anna put another coat onto the garden furniture. We had time to do more but it started to rain about 1.30pm. 

I had a dream last night that we had arrived at Owermoigne and there were 2 caravans parked on our drive and they told me that someone from the local school had told them that they could park there! Luckily when we actually did arrive the drive was empty.

I did have a small problem whilst down there, the Jalapeños from last night had started to take effect which prompted a good couple of rushed visits to the toilet!

Josh rang while we were having lunch, the lazy arse had just got up and apparently the shower pump had packed up. The average life of such a pump is around 8 years but we must have had that one at least 12. After shopping around I ordered a replacement to be delivered. When I got back home I walked through the door and Josh said, ‘I was just about to ring you, I unplugged the pump and replugged it back in and now it seems to be working’!! Oh well we will see how long it lasts and I will now have a spare!

I rang my mother, she said ‘I saw Andy Notley this week, I didn't recognise him at first, he has changed his car, he used to have a red one’. Andy is an old neighbour, he is in his 60’s now and she has known him all his life. Apparently he said to her that he is ‘catching up with me’ ( referring to my wonderful physique) and that he has met me in the pub. Now I haven't seen Andy Notley for over 35 years and the only person that I could think that it might be was an old mate of mine Toe Foot. I mentioned that it might have been Toe and she said, ‘oh you've got me thinking now, they do look alike’. No mother! Toe has got dark hair, Andy has always been quite fair! I later messaged Toe, yes it was him, he thought that she was a bit confused!!

Pizza Saturday again, this time we tried out using Sophie’s sourdough bases. They were actually very good although a bit more sticky and harder to handle. 

Sun 7th June -  sausage bagels for breakfast followed by a second coat on most of the garden furniture.

Then retired to the Shed for a couple of beers and a dose of German football on TV. Whilst watching the football Thornbridge brewery were doing a quiz on Twitter, to celebrate 15 years of Jaipur, in which Josh and Grunters were participating . The question asked how many pints of Jaipur they served during the ‘Peakender’ a clue was given between 2500 and 3000. I was being my usual helpful self shouting out random numbers and came up with 2832. They ignored my answers and told me to enter myself. I went to put in 2832 but due to my fat fingers entered 2833 but though that would do. A couple of minutes later, Josh had gone indoors and then I get a message from Thornbridge saying that I was a winner and only one out! It should have been 2832 which was what I was trying to input anyway. Josh reappeared from the house, I was leaping around the garden shouting ‘winner, winner chicken dinner’ and giving him and Grunters ‘Losers’ signs. Childish I know but it gave me great satisfaction, I get to receive some Thornbridge merchandise, which hopefully includes some beer!! 

Rang my mother again and confirmed her that she had spoken to the wrong person, Toe didn't really know what she was on about, obviously, but said he just smiled and told her to take care! I did tell her that she needs to wear her glasses all the time, she insists that she doesn't need them, but obviously she does. The same with her hearing aid which she takes out when we call her, she says she doesn't but there is a pause before she says hello and you can hear the whistling while she removes it! She reckons that she can't hear what people say with it in, well she certainly can't with it out!

Mon 8th June - second coat on a bench and chair and third and final coat on the rest of the garden furniture, I will be glad when that's finished and wish now that I’d just chucked a bit of oil on.

Tues 9th June - our ‘wonderful’ local MP, Michelle Donelan, has still not replied to my email of 23rd May regarding Dominic Cummings and also my chase up of 28th May. I am aware that many other MP’s throughout the country have had the courtesy to reply to their constituents. This is an example of what she thinks of us, or perhaps she has just replied to those in Chippenham, because she doesn't recognise Melksham as being part of her constituency, I don't think she has ever been here! I have also signed an NFU petition around Food Standards and followed their advice to also notify my local MP to get her point of view. We will see if she replies to this one.

Finally!! I have finished the 3rd coat on the garden furniture and a 4th coat on the table top, who thought that mint would be a good colour? It’s now a vision of pure mintyness!

The new shower pump arrived, it has been a quick delivery although at the moment the old pump is still working. I’m going to keep the new one as I can't see the old one holding out too much longer.

Ordered this week’s beer, 10 ltrs of Covert and 10 ltrs of the new Locked In with Azacca hops this time.

Anna rang my mother, her neighbour unfortunately died recently from cancer, they had a small family funeral today. My mother must have been glued to her front window as she proceeded to give Anna a run down of the people attending, how she didn't know who they were, and the flowers that they brought back to he house! Also after I specifically told her 2 days ago not to do any painting she has today been painting her garden shed! At 91 she is a disaster waiting to happen, I keep telling her that she will be an additional burden on the NHS if she falls or injures herself but she just carries on anyway! 

Wed 10th June - Rain is back, I can't be doing with anything that will make the grass grow! A pretty uneventful day. Did take the opportunity to have a bit of an afternoon snooze on the sofa. 

Thurs 11th June - I had started a Section 75 Consumer Credit Act claim from Lloyds Credit Cards to get back my Virgin Atlantic flight claim. Virgin are now completely ignoring any emails and messages that I send them. I made my claim to Lloyds via Resolver on 19th May. I had a standard reply stating that they were dealing with vulnerable cases as a priority but 17 days later I had still heard nothing from them. I chased up with another email on 6th June and this morning had a message confirming that they will be looking at my claim and giving me a claim number. Hopefully things may get moving now. 

Josh has had 2 beer box deliveries before 11am this morning, including his ‘bargain’ selection of 48 Brewdog cans! As he said, the football starts again next week and they will come in handy!

I received an email from the Thornbridge Marketing Manager confirming my win and that my prize is being packaged.

Following my note above regarding the Lloyds section 75 claim I received an email this afternoon from Virgin Atlantic CEO. I had been complaining to them and they had not responded to an email I sent them on 20th May so I had again chased them on 2nd June. They are now saying that I should receive my refund within the next 14 days and that I should receive an email from the refund dept to confirm this. Progress at last but won't believe anything until it hits my credit card account!

I received a standard reply from Michelle Donalen in respect of the NFU Food Standards, funny that she can reply within a few days to this and I am still awaiting the response to my Dominic Cummings emails of 23rd and 27th May. I will put this to her and request a swift response!

It's been a pretty uneventful week 11, not too much to write or moan about, at least the Premiership is back next Wednesday with games on TV most days!

Coronavirus diary of a moaner Week 10

10 weeks in and still recording my thoughts and observations throughout the lockdown. Last week was more political than usual, I will attempt to cut down on it this week, but can't promise anything.

Fri 29th May - Josh told us last night that Roger Ryman had died yesterday morning aged 52 from cancer. He was the Brewing Director and Head Brewer of St Austell and the reason for their recent success. He was ahead of his time with innovation from the more traditional beers and was responsible for the introduction of Tribute to the nation, which was originally launched as Daylight Robbery in 1999 as part of the eclipse celebration and subsequently relaunched to Tribute following its great success. He will be greatly missed by the brewing industry and all at St Austell and Bath Ales. RIP.

I answered a knock on the door and found the delivery of 2 boxes labelled from Boots, addressed to Anna. Upon querying what this 'unauthorised purchase' was, I was told that it was her 'bargain' purchase. She found that the lip balm that she uses in the summer to ward off cold sores was reduced from £8 to £4. Great in itself but also if she bought 2 she got one free! So £8 for 3 which would normally be the price for 1. Yes but surely 3 lip balms do not justify 2 boxes? Ah, this is where strange women's logic kicks in, delivery would have been £3.99 (still making it cheap for the 3), but no, delivery was free if you spent over £30. So in addition to 3 lip balms, we have numerous bottles of shower gel, shaving gel etc, which we now have to find a home for and store for the next year or so until used up!

The Friday lunchtime tradition in lockdown has been a ploughmans, in readiness to soak up the beer later for the Friday night beer session. Grunters decided to make sausage rolls, Josh did the sausage meat and Red Leicester filling and Grunters did the pastry. Whilst they were cooking Grunters was taking so much interest more or less ‘glued’ to the oven, that I though she would soon be 'drooling' like Albie the dog, when waiting for a treat! I do have to say though that they were very good.

We have set an unofficial time that we can have our first beer at 4pm, although that can be relaxed on Fridays and weekends. We were sat outside in the scorching heat and I was parched. At around 3.30pm I casually queried whether it was beer time, Josh ruled that as it was so close to 4pm we might as well wait. Well, the time was going extremely slowly, until out of boredom I saw a plane flying overhead and mentioned this, Grunters then comes out with the revelation that there's an App that when you point your phone at the plane, tells you what flight it is and where they are going from and to. After a bit of my usual trouble finding the App, and with Josh's intervention, I had it up and running. Just imagine the excitement when I found that the first plane coming over was a FedEx plane from USA to Charles De Gaulle in Paris. Several small private planes and a helicopter later it was realised that I had missed the 4 pm beer deadline and it was a few minutes past! Beer in hand I proceeded to monitor the skies. We ended up with three FedEx planes from different departure airports in the States flying overhead to CDG. I am thinking about writing to FedEx to charge them for using the airspace over our house.

Anna noticed on Twitter that there was a 3 hour queue of cars to get into Melksham recycling centre. Who in their right mind would queue in the scorching heat to get rid of their rubbish? Surely nothing can be that desperate to get rid of? The world has gone mad. Mind you I can guarantee that the average age of those queuing was over seventy.

Grunters had quite a few beers and by around half nine had eyes like pissholes in the snow, after singing and swaying along to Take That on the Meerkat music download. I went indoors and posted on Facebook a couple of pictures I took of Tribute and Proper Job, as we raised a glass for Roger Ryman. Shortly afterwards I had notification that Grunters had commented on my post, It read 'A fitting Tribute, never Fogey', never Fogey? what's all that about, obviously should have been 'forget'? In my usual helpful manner, and in the knowledge of Grunters' state if inebriation, I did Whatsapp her to as 'what is never fogey, pissed again'. A couple of minutes later to receive the message ‘Thank you, I've changed that’. I did reply 'at least you didn't fogey'.

Sat 30th May - back down to Owermoigne for a few more jobs. I told Anna the night before that I would set the alarm for 7 to get there early, however I actually set it for 6! By 6.45am we were showered and in the car. I had been given a £60 Tesco voucher for my birthday from my mum, so I had decided to spend it on something we desperately need, like more beer! On my way to Dorset usually I call into Tesco in Shaftesbury as it's right by the main road. Given it was only 7.30 I though that it would be good to stop off  to stock up, avoiding the queues. There were more cars and people about than anticipated but still fairly quiet. We only had a small trolley and piled in our beer, mainly packs of cans, plus some flowers and milk. They only had 2 tills on, right next to each other, with one massive queue stretching down one aisle. We decided to use the self service which was empty, I asked the lady covering the self service if I could use the Gift Card there, apparently not. I then saw this on a small notice but it said use the till or customer services. She helpfully got through to customer services on her 'walkie talkie' and explained that we only had a few packs of beer, flowers and milk. He refused to serve us and told her that we had to go to the till. As I previously said, there was a massive queue for the only 2 tills open. I was of half a mind to dump my trolley there and then and walk out, but it was beer after all!  So we decide to just pay with our debit card and use the gift card for a normal shop some other time. There were only 16 items and it only took us a couple of minutes to check out. When walking back past customer services there were no customers whatsoever at his till, lazy git! I cannot see why, with today's technology, they cannot get a Gift Card to be accepted a the self service tills. I am not impressed with their service and feel a complaint coming on, plus I will be stopping at Lidl in Blandford in future.

Hurt my back doing my Dorset jobs, we had change drivers on the way back just south of Warminster. At least it gave me an opportunity for a short snooze on the way home!

Back home for the beer and Pizza night.

Anna got a bit chilly and went indoors, I thought to get her cardi, but no she reappeared with some floaty bit of cloth on, both me and Josh expressed our surprise only to be told that it was her Kimono, and apparently Grunters said she had one similar. Kimono my arse!

Idiots visiting Durdle Door again today, there were thousands down there, far more than a usual busy summer day. Just to make things worse there we're  complete morons jumping off the 'Door' into the sea. This resulted in 3 serious and one minor injury. Also involved 2 coastguard and 1 air ambulance helicopters, a lifeboat crew, 6 police cars and numerous others. It is just unbelievable how selfish and stupid people can be.

Sun 31st May - just imagine Anna's self-satisfied smugness when I reluctantly had to admit to her that I had run out of shower gel. She theatricality proceeds to lay out 8 bottles on the bed so I could take my pick, when I count them and exclaim '8 bottles', she then tells me that she has got another of the Nivea! So off I trot to the bathroom after making my pick, clutching my Boots Zingy Raspberry and Pomegranate and a flea in my ear,

Her smugness continued into breakfast, she had made the coffee but asked me to pour it, at first view it looked like she hadn't done enough and I pronounced that it would only fill 2 cups, just imagine her face when it perfectly filled the 3 required cups!

Sent my complaint to Tesco, await their response. Then I had an automated response saying that due to the Coronavirus they were not replying to any emails, so they can give whatever customer service they want without dealing with any complaints!

On Friday I had told Josh and Grunters how cucumber is a wonder food. It is high in many of the vitamins and minerals we need to function, especially B vitamins. You can use it to clean your shoes, shine your taps and sink, stop your bathroom mirror from steaming up and use on squeaky hinges if you have no WD40. I did tell them one of the most important features was it's use to stop hangovers, so on Friday night after they had both had a few, Josh ate a chunk of cucumber before going to bed but Grunters didn't. Josh woke up as fresh as a daisy whilst Grunters was hanging!  They both had a bit of cucumber before bed on Saturday night!

Mon 1st June - Great news, Ikea has opened again! As some of you may be aware I am great fan of a day trip to Ikea from my previous blog. It has been reported today that some people we're queueing at 5.45am for a store opening at 10am. Also in Warrington by around lunchtime there was a half hour wait to get into the car park with a three hour wait to then get into the store. Why on earth anyone would think that this is a good idea on a hot sunny day is beyond comprehension. When they finally do get in and undertake the Ikea shuffle, socially distancing, not being able to touch anything, negotiating the one way system, they will finally emerge another couple of hours later with an odd shaped bedside lamp, a washing up bowl and plastic brush together with another scented candle and holder to add to the collection already in the sideboard. After having an argument or two with the wife, shouting at the kids, and the car overheating, you get home to a socially distanced  boast to neighbours, friends and family that you had a great day out!

Josh had a delivery of a 2.8kg tin of Jalapeños, apparently when he had a few beers the other night he saw them on offer on Hot UK Deals, £3.31 and no delivery charge.  I'm just glad that toilet rolls are easier to get hold of now!

Tuesday 2nd June - looks like being the last of the sunny and warm days, Grunters cut my hair again, good job done!

Wanted to paint the garden furniture at home, looking to get Silver Birch as in Owermoigne but nowhere local seemed to have it, went to Leekes and ended up with ‘Mint’. Spent the afternoon on the first coat and managed to do all apart from one bench, with help from Josh and Grunters. 

Grunters hosted this week’s Craft Beer Hour, it all looked to be successful with plenty of audience participation, including offerings from Nath and Matti!

Felt a bit of discomfort sitting down this evening and discovered that a big spot had appeared on my bum! With a bit of contortionism I managed to dab a bit of Witch Doctor on the spot in the hope that it would subside somewhat by tomorrow. Anna said I shouldn't be putting this sort of thing in my blog but I explained that it's supposed to be a true and accurate record of my observations and experiences throughout lockdown, I can't just pick out the nice bits!

Wed 3rd June - the spot has grown even bigger! It is now even more uncomfortable as when I walk it is right on the edge of my bum crack, so another large dab of Witch Doctor was successfully applied! 

We had a bit of rain overnight and it's drizzling this morning, that bloody grass is going to shoot up now after all that sunshine followed by rain! 

Mad bin lorry day again, 5 passed by our house in about 5 minutes! Josh and Sophie counted another 3 more after I went upstairs. 

Had a sort out of a drawer in the bedroom where I used to keep old tax returns etc, I found stuff going back to 2003/4, thought it was about time I could get rid of it!

Thurs 4th June - you will all be pleased to know that my spot has subsided somewhat following more liberal applications of Witch Doctor. Still a bit painful but better than yesterday. 

Woke up this morning and Anna said ‘you were a pain in the arse last night’. Apparently I was stealing the duvet one minute then throwing the whole thing on her the next. Then I was shouting that we had run out of ham, and that it was 1916! What's all that about? The frightening this is I didn't have any alcohol at all yesterday! 

My turn for shopping again today so off I trotted with my list down to Lidl, there was no queue and quiet in the shop. I bought some more ham, dream disaster averted!

The new coffee machine is arriving today, earlier in the week I got accused by Josh of leaving him ‘short measures’, as I make coffee for me and Anna, leaving some warming in the jug for him when he eventually gets up! I knew after the second accusation that I had put in plenty of water, it was then established that the old one had sprung a leak!

Well following last week's political offering this week has been a bit of a contrast, we will see what week 11 brings!