Hotel toasters

In these days of advanced technology why is it that nobody has invented a hotel toaster that actually works! I have been fortunate enough to stay in many hotels throughout the world and have yet to find a toaster that actually works first time.

The majority of hotels use the 'conveyor' toaster. On most occasions you carefully place your slices of bread on the conveyor, waiting patiently whilst it slowly rotates and eventually shoots out your bread into the bottom tray the same colour as it went in. If you are lucky the bread may have a slightly crispier surface but normally no colour! Not to be beaten, you again pick the slices from the tray and put them back onto the conveyor for a second attempt. After another long patient wait the machine shoots out your slices of very lightly coloured bread. You wanted a nicely browned toast!!
Never fear, the British 'never say die' spirit kicks in and you go for a third attempt. The 'not quite so patient' wait follows, eventually the machine this time spits out a couple of slices of blackened 'charcoal'! You pile these onto your plate, trying to hide them from the sniggering queue that has, by now, built up behind you and return defeated to your breakfast table, where the toast shatters into a dozen tiny pieces when you go to spread your butter.

Even worse is the toast 'queue jumper'. You try as hard as you can to shield the toaster for your sole use, but when you get distracted and lean over to grab a couple of individually wrapped butter portions, the person behind in the queue has managed to sneak a couple of his own slices onto the conveyor. This causes much anxiety as this person may now inadvertently try to grab your slices. It is only now that you wish that you had nibbled the corners off your bread for identification purposes. Now you watch intently to make sure that you grab your own slices but once this is achieved you don't want to put them back on for a second toasting in case they get mixed up with those of number two in the queue. Even worse, by now, number three in the queue is attempting to get in on the act and is trying to lob his bread onto the conveyor from a distance. You again return to your breakfast table, this time with your slices of slightly singed bread. Your best bet to avoid the toaster queue is to set your alarm for as early as possible as soon as the breakfast room opens and sprint to the machine. Never get your coffee or breakfast before going to the toaster as it is guaranteed to be cold by the time you return.

There is also the odd individual that feels the need to toast their croissant. Why anyone feels the need to warm up their 'empty pasty' in the first place I do not know! In doing so the offending croissant gets lodged at the back of the conveyor, resulting in plumes of smoke and the fire alarms being set off. A brave breakfast waitress then risks electrocuting herself by jamming a knife down the back of the machine trying to remove the offending smouldering object.

I am sure that I am not by any means the first to identify this problem and cannot see why a solution has not yet been invented or put into commercial production. Given the number of hotels worldwide there must be a great demand for a reliable toaster that works first time. Perhaps a challenge for Mr Dyson.