Brunch, what is that all about?

Am I the only one to take offence at  'Brunch' and its association with a bunch of elitist 'hooray henrys' with more money than sense.

What is wrong with having a late breakfast or an early lunch? It's just another way of making more money from the hungover hoards who are happy to pay through the nose for a posh breakfast together with their bottomless mimosas, bloody mary's or cheap prossecco, washed down with an extra round or two of espresso martinis. The 'peer pressure' has a factor in its rise in popularity as you 'simply must' meet up with your 'friends' for a lovely Brunch, even if you are skint, as to avoid would make you a social outcast. After you have queued to get a table, once finally settled, you will proceed to talk as loudly as possible to get yourself noticed, for everyone to acknowledge that you are part of the in crowd.

I also blame brunch for the rise in popularity of the 'posh breakfast', a new version multi grain granola, eggs benedict swimming in a sea of Hollondaise or smashed avacado with a poached quails egg, obviously it must be served on a slice of lightly griddled sourdough! It would be deemed a criminal offence to have a toasted slab of sliced white!

Instead of going out for a good breakfast fry up with a coffee or tea costing a few quid, it is now the done thing to spend several hours, and a good deal of money, on posh food and awful alcoholic drinks that you normally would not touch. This leaves the rest of the day wasted through an alcoholic fog with the restaurant owner happily smiling away, rubbing his hands together, having relieved you of the best part of fifty quid for posh egg on toast and cheap fizz. I have no problem with a few drinks on a weekend lunchtime, but surely a few pints at the local followed by a good Sunday Lunch has more appeal.

Is brunch leading to the gradual demise of the traditional Sunday lunch? Even Weatherspoons are attempting to get in on the act by scrapping Sunday Lunches and instead introduced a range of all day brunch options, obviously more profitable!

Well, it was good to get that off my chest!

Can I get a cheeky pint!

I feel I have to share my annoyance with a short rant to highlight the misuse of the English language which has caught on over the past few years from the 'internet' and TV generation.

'Can I get'

Firstly the use of the phrase 'can I get' rather than 'can I have' or the even more polite 'may I have'. This is being increasingly used by the younger generation (including my 28 year old son!) influenced by Americanisms from TV and the internet. The phrase correctly used in British language, when saying 'can I get', implies that I want to get something myself rather than be served. Unfortunately I am not in a customer facing environment as I would take great pleasure in, when asked 'can I get', replying yes then just standing there waiting for the customer to go and 'get' it themselves. In my opinion 'can I get' just sounds rude and it's use should be banned!

'Cheeky'

The definition of Cheeky is 'showing a lack of respect or politeness in a way that is amusing or appealing' or 'impudent, impertinent, insolent, presumptuous'.
It should be correctly used when referring to a person that may be slightly rude in an amusing way.
So why has the word been hijacked by today's Social Media Chavs to advertise to the world that they have been, or going for, a variety of activities such as a 'cheeky' pint or a 'cheeky' Nando's.
Firstly why announce via Social media that you are going to the pub or eating piri-piri chicken, but if you feel the need to tell the world your movements on Facebook or Twitter, why unnecessarily describe it as 'cheeky'. What is 'amusing and impudent' about going for a pint or having a meal, if taking into account the word's correct definition.

Since expressing my annoyance with the use of the word my family and friends now take great delight 'tagging' me into their 'cheeky' activities, just to give me something else to make my life even more of a misery!

Hotel toasters

In these days of advanced technology why is it that nobody has invented a hotel toaster that actually works! I have been fortunate enough to stay in many hotels throughout the world and have yet to find a toaster that actually works first time.

The majority of hotels use the 'conveyor' toaster. On most occasions you carefully place your slices of bread on the conveyor, waiting patiently whilst it slowly rotates and eventually shoots out your bread into the bottom tray the same colour as it went in. If you are lucky the bread may have a slightly crispier surface but normally no colour! Not to be beaten, you again pick the slices from the tray and put them back onto the conveyor for a second attempt. After another long patient wait the machine shoots out your slices of very lightly coloured bread. You wanted a nicely browned toast!!
Never fear, the British 'never say die' spirit kicks in and you go for a third attempt. The 'not quite so patient' wait follows, eventually the machine this time spits out a couple of slices of blackened 'charcoal'! You pile these onto your plate, trying to hide them from the sniggering queue that has, by now, built up behind you and return defeated to your breakfast table, where the toast shatters into a dozen tiny pieces when you go to spread your butter.

Even worse is the toast 'queue jumper'. You try as hard as you can to shield the toaster for your sole use, but when you get distracted and lean over to grab a couple of individually wrapped butter portions, the person behind in the queue has managed to sneak a couple of his own slices onto the conveyor. This causes much anxiety as this person may now inadvertently try to grab your slices. It is only now that you wish that you had nibbled the corners off your bread for identification purposes. Now you watch intently to make sure that you grab your own slices but once this is achieved you don't want to put them back on for a second toasting in case they get mixed up with those of number two in the queue. Even worse, by now, number three in the queue is attempting to get in on the act and is trying to lob his bread onto the conveyor from a distance. You again return to your breakfast table, this time with your slices of slightly singed bread. Your best bet to avoid the toaster queue is to set your alarm for as early as possible as soon as the breakfast room opens and sprint to the machine. Never get your coffee or breakfast before going to the toaster as it is guaranteed to be cold by the time you return.

There is also the odd individual that feels the need to toast their croissant. Why anyone feels the need to warm up their 'empty pasty' in the first place I do not know! In doing so the offending croissant gets lodged at the back of the conveyor, resulting in plumes of smoke and the fire alarms being set off. A brave breakfast waitress then risks electrocuting herself by jamming a knife down the back of the machine trying to remove the offending smouldering object.

I am sure that I am not by any means the first to identify this problem and cannot see why a solution has not yet been invented or put into commercial production. Given the number of hotels worldwide there must be a great demand for a reliable toaster that works first time. Perhaps a challenge for Mr Dyson.